Posts Tagged ‘fun’
Henry Crofts’ Rnd 6 Rezzies Review
B Grade Reserves: Round 6
Keilor Park 9-7-61 def. by Airport West 12-8-80
Devils capitulate to fitter, faster Eagles.
An injury ravaged twos side took to the park at Ray Davies Oval on the weekend and proceeded to give the Eagles a three goal lead in the first five minutes. However the lads managed to rally and kick the next seven goals unanswered to go into the midterm break four goals ahead.
Then the wheels started to fall off, with the scores level at three quarter time a limp, lifeless, impotent Devils outfit fell short by 19 points at the final siren.
It was a bitter day for coach Marco Costello who told his team “It’s not about me beating my old side… well it is a bit about that… but it’s also about the team and where we are on the ladder”.
Sadly for Marco and former Airport West Player Kane Allport it was not to be.
“Look” said Kane, “I hope we get to play those fellows again in finals, because I will personally rain on their parade”. We can only hope he doesn’t carry out his threat à la Ricky Misiti.
It was pleasing to see big man Dan O’Connor make a cameo and bag himself five majors.
Lewy Crofts did a fine job on Airport West goal sneak (we can’t call him a spear head ‘cos we think he’ too soft) Alex Penaluna. If the EDFL fined players for wrestling (hello Barry Hall) the brothers Crofts would have incurred a $20,000 penalty for getting their Greco Roman on. At least five opponents experienced a vigorous man handling at their expense.
B.O.G. was a collective award this week with four of the best players coming from the backline. Paul Morgan held down the fort well and the ever-reliable Brad Vallance was his usual colossal self.
Next week sees the boys take on Pascoe Vale in a must win encounter. With three milestone moments coming up to add incentive to the cause, we wish the following players the best of luck:
Veteran Brad “Diesel” Vallance – 50 games. (Apparently games accumulated at Tulla and West Meadows don’t count for much down at K.P.).
Paul “PK from KP” Koularitis – 150 games (Took a while to get there after a career detour with stints at Port Adelaide and Geelong).
Robbie “Chicha” Costello -100 games at Werribee on Sunday against Franga.
Luke “Luke Wilson” Wilson – 250 games. Nothing of note achieved as of yet (we’re still waiting Lukey).
Special mention this week goes to one of Kane Allport’s former teammate’s from Airport West who told Kane that,“You looked better in green mate”, which ironically was just the colour Kane was wearing!
We think that the mentally challenged player from Airport West meant to say “green and white”. We think you got it right the first time buddy.
Henry Crofts’ Rnd 5 Rezzys Review
B Grade Reserves: Round 5
Taylors Lakes 16-20-116 def. Keilor Park 3-8-26
Lambs to the slaughter at Lionheart Reserve.
“Timid” was how one pundit saw it, “Insipid,” said another, “Piss poor” fumed KP stalwart Phil Jeffreys when informed of the news of the shellacking that the magoos received at the hands of new ladder leaders Taylors Lakes.
Things did not bode well from the start with “Blanket” Benny Carland pulling out late with work commitments at the 11th hour leaving a gaping hole in the Devil’s backline.
“How he had the gall to show his face at the match after the loss is beyond me,” sibling Joe “Dirt” Carland spat. “He let his team mates down and it isn’t good enough. I mean, I’m family and used to the disappointment, but to let down your mates… I can’t say anymore. I am without words. Wordless even… Speechless… Dumbfounded… I don’t want to discuss this anymore… Enough.”
Some punters speculated that the upcoming social event “Mr. KP” was to blame, with some players going missing during the match it was suggested that they were trying to keep themselves beautiful for the upcoming pageant.
Coach Marco Costello, fed up (courtesy of his player sponsor “Pasta Al Dente”) with the condition of the ground stated, “Taylors Lakes is a bit of an oxymoron isn’t it? I mean, obviously this place hasn’t seen any water since man climbed down from the trees. I should have thrown a bucket and spade out there on the flanks and some of those blokes might have accomplished more today.”
Lewy Crofts was half tempted to unleash his game plan of getting in front and then burying the ball and sitting on it for the rest of the game until the clock ran out. One suspects he might have tried it, had KP managed to hit the lead at all.
Brother and perennial sore loser, Henry Crofts, concurred, claiming that “If you marked X’s all over the ground in the sand those dimwits would be digging all day.”
The frustrated junior Crofts was busy making friends on the sidelines during the match, when queried about his relationship with his fan club his official statement was “I think at some point I dated most of their sisters.”
Although (bar perhaps the first quarter) never really looking in the game, the two’s were wasteful in front of goal with inaccurate kicking at the start of the second term costing them any chance of drawing closer on the scoreboard.
Taylors Lakes switch and run game bamboozled the slightly under done opposition, who once keyed in, looked too slow to do much about it.
B.O.G. went to none other than “Mr Versatile” Jarrod Morrison who performed in every position (make of that what you will).
Other shining lights included Shane “Duge” De Jong snagging himself a sausage roll and even kicking a major. Scotty Wright had a fair dinkum’ crack at it after receiving a call up courtesy of Benny Carland.
Joel “Did you get a load of Kane Allport’s bruise?” Brooks fought hard all day and has been consistently pushing for senior selection and it was pleasing to see Paul Morgan make a welcome return to the club.
Next week the boys will have to pull the fingers out of the proverbial, give their hands a good wash (or not) and get ready to serve it up to those cross town rivals from “Pauline” Hanson Reserve.
So get your derrière down to Ray Davies Oval to see an absolute corker as the boys have a crack at A.P.W. Eagles.
Special mention this week goes to Matty Nardello for his prompt punctuality.
For next years “Mr. KP” karaoke talent segment we suggest he give a rendition of The Ramones “I Can’t Make It On Time”.
Henry Crofts’ Rnd 4 Rezzy’s Review
B Grade Reserves: Round 3
Keilor Park 11-6-72 def. Glenroy 10-6-66
Cramping Coop’s K.O. a coup d’etat for K.P.
The predicted forward line up from last week that had twos coach Marco Costello salivating in a manner usually reserved for a meal from his player sponsor “Pasta Al Dente” did not come to fruition this week. With injuries hitting the senior list hard after last weeks loss to Tulla there were 10 changes in the magoos team that took to the park against Glenroy.
“Look” stated Marco, “It was a real test of the boys depth today and to their credit the lads came out on top. How deep is the depth at this club mate? I’d have to say the depth at this club is balls deep”.
Despite the complimentary analogy, the twos made a rod for their own back in the second half of the match, forfeiting a 5-goal lead at half time to win by a solitary kick.
With injuries to Max Rooke look alike Jesse O’Keefe (AKA: J’OK – alias The Wild One), ruckman Liam Barry (who ignominiously went down at the first bounce) and a twanged ham-string to Josh Wilson, the reserves started to run out of steam in the second half to allow their opponent back into the game.
With the game in the balance, tempers started to fray on both sides with The “O” taking a hit and getting very little from the men in orange for his trouble.
“Yeah, look, I was talking to Henry Crofts after the game and he told me that if you wear your headbands too tight it can impair brain function.” explained El Presidente.
The ill discipline of the Roy Boys cost them a few silly 50-metre penalties and Josh Wilson and Nick Katiforis were less than impressed with their racial vilification. “If you’re going to make a racial slur at least get the ethnicity right!” fumed ‘Ozzie Josh “Wilskonowski” Wilson’. Josh denied allegations that he bit an opposition member on the finger and explained that it was just a misunderstood greeting custom that is common in his ethnic culture. “I was deeply offended by being labeled a cannibal”.
The slurs and cheap sledging continued from the Roy Boys with one K.P. player having his sexual orientation queried. “Look, it’s a good thing I’m not that way inclined,” stated the player who wished to remain anonymous, “Otherwise I’d be taking them to court for instigating hate crimes”.
Highlights of the day included a spear tackle by Shane “The Duge” De Jong that would have brought a tear to the eye of Stone Cold Steve Austin himself and Benny Carland, who dedicated the win to his Mum on Mothers’ Day “And Wello’s mum as well ‘cos she’s hot!”
B.O.G. went to Owen Wilson’s long lost twin brother, Robbie Doughty, who quietly went about his business in his usual unassuming manner.
However, the real hero of the day was none other than Brent “Coops” Cooper whose K.O. and subsequent concussion ran down the clock much to the chagrin of the Glenroy supporters who yelled at “the weak prick” to get up. We doubt very much that the unconscious Cooper’s feelings were hurt very much by the barrage of insults and abuse hurled at him from over the sidelines.
Coop’s responded tactfully with “Did we win?” for a good half hour at five minute intervals after the game and sensibly decided not to down a couple of frothy’s to celebrate the victory.
With another few injuries in the ones after their gritty win the depth next week will be tested even further against joint ladder leaders Taylors Lakes. “I’ve no doubt in my mind that the boys are up for it next week, they can walk off the field today feeling as tall as Burnsy on stilts in platform shoes.” Exclaimed an over enthused Coach Costello.
Special mention this week goes to reserves assistant coach Dom Corsino, who in the third term break “deplored” his charges to “play on at all costs”.
If we look to the dictionary we find that “Deplore” means to “disapprove of, lament and regret”. We believe the word he was looking for was in fact “Implore” of which the definition is to “beseech or beg urgently”.
Better luck next time Dom.
Henry Crofts’ Rnd 3 Rezzies Review
B Grade Reserves: Round 3
Tullamarine 4-2-26. Def. by Keilor Park 29-11-185
Devils send Dees to special Hell reserved for s*x offenders, people who talk at the movies and teams that get spanked by 159 points.
The Magoos felt right at home in the blustery conditions that greeted them at Leo Dineen Reserve on the weekend. “It’s just like home!” enthused one Joe “Dirt” Carland. “Yeah, but your brothers aren’t wearing drag” quipped first gamer and pinch hitting ruckman, Shane “Duge” De Jong. “I’m talking about our home ground you twit,” retorted Dirt before musing to himself, “But Forbesy does look quite striking in that little red number of his”.
Poll: Who will kick the 1st goal for Rnd3?
