The Keilor Park Footy Club loves their players, and the players love the footy club.  So I’ve decided to give the fans of the club a chance to get to know some of the greater lights of this great club in a more personal way.  In the first of hopefully many interviews, club mascot “The Devil” catches up for a latte and a chin wag at a trendy inner suburban café:

The Devil- Have a seat, Henry… Can I call you Henners? H Man?

Henry Crofts- Thanks mate.  You can call me what you want.

TD- Thanks for that Mr. Crofts. I mean, sir.  Sorry, I’m a little bit nervous here, it’s not every day I get to sit down and have a chat with such a tough, hard, uncompromising footballer like your good self.

HC- That’s fine mate.  No need to panic, we’re all friends here.  And besides, I think I’m pretty chilled.  I mean, I’m heading towards 30, and I still skateboard, and I have a mini-disc player.  How many blokes do you know that have mini disc players?  They’re grouse.

TD-  Ahhh… not many to be honest.  But anyway, let’s fire off a few questions here so the good people of the KPFC get to know you better.

HC- No worries.

TD- First up.  Take us through a standard pre-match routine for your good self.

HC- Well I like to chill out mostly on a Friday night in front of the telly, watchin FUEL TV with all the skateboarding, BMX, surfing and all that stuff… Though I don’t like rollerblading, not cool enough.

Go to bed, alarm goes off at 9am.  Hit the snooze button 3 times and get out at 9.27am.  Straight to the dresser and put my lucky black match day bandana on.  Double check the gear is packed, standard breakfast of galvanized nails washed down with a triple strength black coffee and 3 cans of red bull.  Then I’ll head-butt the brick wall outside a few times over to really get myself fired up before I select which mini disc I’ll listen to on the way to the game.  Last week before the Hadfield game, I don’t know the name of the band because I couldn’t read the graffiti style writing of the band name on the cover.

TD- Nice one, what’s the best thing about playing footy?

HC- The mateship, mate.  I love it.  Such a great bunch of blokes down there.  Despite giving away a 50m penalty and falling for the old “Hands Back” routine from an opposition player, it was great to have Forbesy back in the team against Haddy.  He gave a real lift to the players, I think I even heard Scotty Wright yell out when we started to really pants them in the 2nd half.  Starting fights with morons would be 2nd.  And sledging players during the seniors would be 3rd.  But only when I’ve got a record with all the player numbers on me.  Sledging is much more effective when you know the name of the bloke you’re having a go at, really adds that nice personal touch rather than just referring to them as a number or a hairstyle.  Honorable mention goes to doing punishment runs on the track and the pre-season fitness camp.

TD- …And the worst?

HC- Umpires.  Can’t stand them.  They cost us every week.  So bad.  I mean, they can’t even get one decision right.  Don’t get me started on umpires, mate.

TD- Well, I suppose we can’t have a game without them, but I’ll let this one go.  Who’s the best and worst dressed players at the club?

HC- Well aside from myself, because no one else wears bandanas, that’s my trademark, only I wear them, I’d say the best dressed would probably be Timmy Foxtel, because he wears his cap slightly off centre.  Worst would have to be Ceasar.  Terrible hair.

TD- Funniest teammate?

HC- John Green.  Easily.  I mean, I’ve known the bloke since the start of pre-season and yet every time I say hi, he’ll introduce himself to me!  I know who you are mate!  Funny bloke.  Funny bloke.

TD- What’s 5 things you’d want to have with you on a deserted island?

HC- My bandana, mini-disc player, skateboard and 2 tins of baked beans.  The baked beans serve 2 purposes.  First I can eat them, and then when I finished, I can get a long piece of string between the two of them and make like a walky talky thing.  RAD!!

TD- Most embarrassing moment?

HC- After I had a shower after training once, I’d put my shirt, hoodie and jeans on.  Then was about to put my shoes and socks on before I’d realized I’d not put my bandana on yet.  Close call.

TD- Tell us something interesting about yourself that not many people at the club would know?

HC- I play in the same team as my brother, Louie.

TD- Ahhh… I think that’s pretty common knowledge, Henry.

HC- Oh, well I have counted to infinity.  Twice.  I think that’s pretty cool.

TD- Sure is mate, didn’t know it was possible, but well done.  Describe yourself in one word.

HC- Hardcore.

TD- Favorite song?

HC- “Where the Wild Things Are” by a Band called “Gorilla Biscuits”.

TD- Never heard of them?

HC- Do it mate, it’s a grouse song.  Real hardcore.

TD- Favorite movie?

HC- Bra Boys.

TD- Favorite computer game?

HC- Tony Hawk.

TD- Nice.  Well it’s been great talking to ya mate, I know I certainly learnt a lot.

HC- Cheers mate, it’s been great.

TD- Before I go though, I’d like you to put a team mate in the gun and nominate who the next interviewee shall be.

HC- Hmmm…  Tough one, but I’ll probably have to say Coops.

TD- Any reason?

HC- Nah, not really.  But I’ve gotta skate now.  I’m pretty stoked it’s mostly down hill to my house.  I like hills, they are really fun to go down.

TD- I’m sure they are.  Catchya mate.

HC- *makes strange hand gesture with thumb and little finger* Laters!

Nickname  and Why??

Tennis Ball Head (coz got a small head that looks like a tennis ball)

Facebook Status??

In a Relationship… (but she smells)

Single…

It’s Complicated…

Job:

Mechanic (Brimbank Autos – GET THERE!!!)

Favourite AFL Team:

Essendon

Favourite AFL Player:

Joe Misiti

Most Memorable Football Moment:

Beating Strathmore in 18’s…(Arrogant they were)

Favourite Position:

Forward/Onball

Something I Cant Live Without:

Josh Jnr

Favourite TV Show:

Family Guy

Favourite Movie:

Days of Thunder

Favourite Food:

Dog Fluid

Favourite Drink:

Seven Up

Hobbies/Interests Outside Football:

Reading Novels

Most Embarrassing Moment:

Spilt Seven Up on my favorite Novel

Worst Habit:

Talking Rubbish (a Wilson family trait)

KP Hero:

Colesy (Bashed lots of blokes)

Favourite Night Spot:

CQ

Best Footy Trip:

Gold Coast

Top 5 Sports Stars:

1.            Freddo

2.            Dave Hughes

3.            Billy Idol

4.            Me

5.            Peter Griffen

If you had to share your bed with 3 people who would they be??

Peter Griffen, Homer Simpson, Dirk Digler

ANNNNNNNNND………..

Who would you turn gay for??

A bloke with boobs and bush

This weeks Look-a-like-it-or-not comes about after the ‘Mothers Day’ clash against Tulla were

everybodys best mate big PETE… took a few hits to the frontal region of his cranium….

Pete is the one on the left??? i think… A big threat for the Look-a-like-it-or-not of the year award

Nickname and Why??

Murph (look at my picture)

Facebook Status??

In a Relationship…

Single…

It’s Complicated…

Job:

Myotherapist/Personal Trainer/Full time sleep-iner

Favourite AFL Team:

Hawthorn

Favourite AFL Player:

Campbell Brown

Most Memorable Football Moment:

Kicking a goal 90m out on the boundary into the breeze to seal the game against Jacana

Favourite Position:

On Top

Something I Cant Live Without:

Music

Favourite TV Show:

Two And A Half Men – BRILLIANT!!

Favourite Movie:

Endless Summer 2

Favourite Food:

Chicken Schnitzel

Favourite Drink:

Crownies

Hobbies/Interests Outside Football:

Smurfing

Most Embarrassing Moment:

Being seen with Peter wearing a queer-arse jumper, I was embarrased

Worst Habit:

Sleeping in past 12pm

KP Hero:

GORMO!!!

Favourite Night Spot:

BHP (Barwon Heads Club)

Best Footy Trip:

Cairns

Top 5 Sports Stars:

1. Campbell Brown

2. Lance Armstrong

3. Michael Jordan

4. Kelly Slater

5. Justin Langer

If you had to share your bed with 3 people who would they be??

Jennifer Hawkins, Jennifer Hawkins when she was 18 and Jennifer Hawkins when she is 28

ANNNNNNNNND………..

Who would you turn gay for??

Robert Murphy from the Bulldogs